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The uncertainty and ambiguity of finding a job

Updated: Sep 26, 2024



A dark hallway with a glowing white question mark projected on a black wall.

Recently I ran a survey to understand the experience of people going through a job search. I want to understand the path that people take on the way to a new job so that I can find ways to make it easier, more straightforward, more manageable, and less painful. If you’re reading this in an email, you probably contributed to the survey. If you haven’t but would like to add your thoughts, you still can here. 


One of the biggest, if not the biggest, challenges people mentioned experiencing during a job search is coping with both uncertainty and ambiguity. Uncertainty is that feeling that you don’t have all the information you need and ambiguity requires you to interpret a lot of things that are unclear or confusing. At the least, you might be asking, "Why is it so hard to find a job?!" You have to handle a whole lot of uncertainty and ambiguity all at once during a job search and quite frankly, it can leave you feeling stressed, tired, and burned out. It can also impair your ability to make good decisions. It feels bad and makes it hard to think straight!


So, I put together some suggestions of things you can do during your job search to help you cope, hopefully bring you a little piece of mind, but might also improve your performance. I like to share concrete, research-based, and actionable information. I’ve tried to be specific here, avoiding anything too vague or philosophical. Sometimes it does come down to a mindset shift and even then, I want to present you with ideas oriented toward action. I think it’s best to avoid getting stuck and keep moving forward even if it’s tiny steps. We can never eliminate uncertainty or ambiguity from our lives but there are things we can do to push through and even grow a little.


Define and align with your values and your vision

If you don’t know where you are and where you’re going, you’ll never get anywhere else. You need a North Star. It’s well worth a little of your time to explore or reconnect with your personal values so that you know who you are and what you really want. A 5–10-minute value card sort exercise may be all it takes to clarify your most important values. (You can do an internet search for card sort exercise or use this one I like) It may reaffirm what you already know, or you might be surprised that some things in life matter more to you than others.  Once you know your values though, it makes decision-making in a job search so much easier because you will avoid considering things that will ultimately make you unhappy.   

For example, I recently talked through a situation with a client in which she was tempted to apply for a job in the energy sector. The job matched up perfectly with her skills but was for an offshore drilling company. Despite the skills match and the good pay, she decided not to consider the opportunity because she knew she’d be unhappy working against her tightly held values of integrity and environmental conservation.

Giving some thought to the overall vision for your life and career is valuable because once you know where you want to be, you can start mapping a course in that direction. Have you ever tried to order an Uber, but you don’t know the address of where you’re going? You can’t do it. You need to the address of something nearby, at least, to get going. The same is true for your life and career. Once you have a vision, you can more easily reverse engineer how to build toward that vision. And it must be your vision, trying to emulate someone else’s lifestyle, successes, or career is a sure way to make yourself more confused and less happy.

To that end, you might make yourself a vision board. What is a vision board? It’s a collage of pictures and words that help you visualize success for yourself. A free and simple way to create a vision board is by using Canva. Canva is an online tool for creating all kinds of digital media and has a vast catalog of photos, graphics, and texts. After you’ve built your digital vision board, you can print it or set it as your computer wallpaper to continue to inspire and remind you of what you are working towards. If it sounds fluffy to you, try it anyway! There is research that shows that they inspire and boost mood at the least.


Get control of what you can control

There will be many things outside of your control during a job search. Interviews might be scheduled at unfavorable times, or you might not get enough time beforehand to do all the preparation you want. Job searches also come with hard unexpected questions, bureaucratic hoop-jumping, and other people deciding whether to hire you. Lots of things you cannot control.

But now is not the time to slide into chaos. There are still things you can control. You can stay organized in your job search and take meticulous notes so that you know what you’ve applied to and who you’ve talked with and when. You can learn and practice new job search and interview skills to be more effective and efficient for the next opportunity. You can network and find new opportunities. Lots of things you can control.

You can also stay in control of other aspects of your life. You can maintain a routine, or take the opportunity to build a new one, but for goodness’ sake, stay in control of yourself and your relationships as well as or better than you would when you have a job. I’ve seen many people, and I’ve done this myself, let their mental and physical health and personal relationships suffer during a job search. I’ve seen people park themselves in sweatpants in front of a computer for twelve hours a day scouring the internet for job postings, letting everything else go. I’ve seen people lose their identity, isolate themselves, and drink too much when unemployed. So many people lose their grip when they lose their jobs. Instead, I recommend you get up at the same time every morning and exercise regularly. Sit down and write out a rational, set schedule for job search activities, and make time to enjoy the people and things you love.  

Your job is only one slice of your pie. Don’t let the whole pie go to waste because you’re missing one slice.

Develop cognitive flexibility and a growth mindset

Cognitive flexibility is the ability to switch your attention from an old situation to a new one or overcome habitual thinking and adapt to new situations. It is a useful skill you can develop and will make your life easier during a job search. There is some research suggesting that it can lead to better resilience, higher levels of creativity, and overall better quality of life.

There a several things you can do to increase your cognitive flexibility including playing word games like Scrabble, learning a new language (Duolingo anyone?), changing your routine, going for a walk in a new place, or using the Six Thinking Hats technique. 

A growth mindset is the belief that you can develop new abilities through effort and practice. Instead of thinking you’re not good enough or smart enough to do something, you believe that if you put in enough consistent effort you can learn how to be good at doing anything. Research and literature show that people with a growth mindset tend to achieve more than people with a fixed mindset because they focus on learning instead of worrying about whether they are smart.

So how do you develop a growth mindset? Start a challenging situation by asking yourself, “What can I learn from this situation?” and “How will this help me grow?” Try and catch yourself when you say or think things that start with, “I am…not good at this” or “I can’t do it.” And rephrase it as “I don’t know how yet.” Keep trying to learn, give yourself credit for your effort, and celebrate big and small wins.


Practice emotional regulation and learn to accept rejection

Regulating emotion and accepting rejection is an area that is particularly hard for me. Many adults, like me, have not learned these skills because of unresolved childhood trauma. The job search process can be particularly triggering because of the uncertainty and ambiguity involved. However, it is an opportunity to learn some skills to make your life easier and better.

Emotional regulation is the process of controlling your emotions to keep them in balance and away from extremes. There are many techniques for regulating your emotions including mindfulness, journaling, and exercise. Therapy may also be a powerful resource for developing these skills, especially Dialectical Behavior Therapy. The website https://positivepsychology.com/ has plenty of information if you are interested in learning more about the topic.

Along those same lines, learning to cope with rejection can make a job search feel less punishing, especially if you’ve been laid off. Rejection from a job is a threat to your social well-being. Research has shown that rejection activates the same brain regions as physical pain. It hurts! Don’t ignore your pain, process it so you can move on. Processing rejection requires practicing some of the same behaviors associated with emotional regulation such as acknowledging your feelings, engaging in self-compassion, and self-care.


Seek information and clarification

It’s OK to ask lots of questions during your job search process. For example, if you’d like to know when a hiring team will decide, ask them in the interview. If you haven’t heard from them by that time, politely email or call them and ask. Follow-ups are OK! Make sure you ask for their contact information if you don’t already have it, “Could I have your direct email address in case I have questions later?” Then, if you have questions later, email them and ask. It’s OK!

Asking questions doesn’t make you look dumb or rude, it makes you curious, thorough, and communicative. If someone tells you something in an interview you don’t understand, ask them to clarify, “Could you say more on that? I’d like to make sure I’m understanding you correctly.”

If you aren’t sure how/when/where to do something, ask others or do an internet search, take a job search class, or read a book. If you have been laid off and given coaching and resume services as part of your separation package, use it as soon as possible to ramp up your knowledge from the start.

Try not to think of the things you’re doing in your job search as right or wrong. Think of it more in terms of whether this works for me or doesn’t work for me. Truth be told, a lot of the advice you hear about how to get a job is highly contextual and just might not work for everyone all the time. There is no right way and wrong way, there is only what works for you.

I can say with 100% confidence that you will encounter a situation during your job search process that you don’t know how to navigate. That doesn’t mean you are bad at it; it means you have something to learn. Remember, growth mindset.


Build a support system

Lastly, it should be mentioned that looking for a new job can be incredibly isolating, especially if you’re unemployed. Avoid letting this happen to you. Do not suffer in silence. Spend time with supportive family and friends, find support groups, or engage with a job search coach. If your instinct is to keep your head down and avoid others until you find a job, fight that urge. Get dressed up and go on a date. Volunteer for a beach clean-up. Take your kids and the dog to the park. The key to getting a new job is to surround yourself with supportive, nurturing people so that you stay in good spirits and can see the opportunities around you. Networking is one of the best behaviors to practice during a job search so don’t avoid social situations, lean into them.

If you do have people in your circle who are negative or unsupportive, it’s OK to limit contact during your job search. You don’t need constant criticism, invalidating or snide comments, or unsolicited advice.


Hopefully some of the above has resonated with you or given you some ideas on how to better navigate uncertainty and ambiguity in a job search. If you take nothing else with you, know that the job search process is messy and confusing by nature. All the feelings you experience during this rollercoaster are valid.


 

 

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